Stage Fright Between The Sheets. Performance Anxiety And Sex

Let’s talk about performance anxiety in sex. It's more common than you think, and it can affect anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or experience level.

What is Performance Anxiety in Sex?

It’s that little voice in the back of your head that pops up when you’re getting yummy with your partner(s) right when you don't need it to. Whispering, sometimes taunting you about your personal anxieties when it comes to the bedroom department.

To give an example: You're about to give a big presentation. Your heart races, palms sweat, and suddenly you forget everything you were going to say. Performance anxiety in sex is similar – your mind is so worried about "performing" well that it throws your body off its game and this can manifest in many ways.  Fear of erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. Concerns about lubrication or pain during intercourse. A previous negative sexual encounter can linger in your mind. Even worrying about pleasing your partner, body image concerns, difficulty reaching orgasm, or general anxiety around sex. Also any underlying problems in your relationship can manifest as performance anxiety.

Why Does it Happen?

Our brains are wired to seek approval and avoid embarrassment. Sex, being a vulnerable and intimate act, can trigger these primal fears. Add in societal pressures, unrealistic expectations from media, and past experiences, and you've got a recipe for anxiety.

The Fun Part: Busting the Myths!

Let's debunk some common misconceptions about sex that fuel performance anxiety:

Myth 1: "Everyone else is having amazing, effortless sex all the time." Nope! Everyone experiences awkward moments, fumbles, and off days.

Myth 2: "Sex should always lead to orgasm." Orgasms are great, but they're not the sole purpose of sex. Pleasure, connection, and intimacy are equally if not more important.

Myth 3: "There's a 'right' way to have sex." As long as it's safe, sane, consensual and enjoyable, there's no single right way. Experiment and discover what works for you and your partner(s).

What you can do to kick your anxiety to the curb?

First things first: talk to your partner(s)! It can be hard to talk about sex. And being able to express your fears and anxieties can be a scary and vulnerable thing to do. But sharing your worries (and chances are your partner(s) have their own anxieties too.)  can work wonders and can lead to a deeper understanding of each other, leading to a more intimate and connected sex life. Remember, sex isn't a solo act, unless you are on your own. (but that’s a different blog) it's a duet! Talking and being vulnerable is the music on which a sweet song can be sung.

They say that the build up to and the journey can be more exciting than reaching the destination so try and  shift your focus from the grand finale of orgasm. Which to be honest although wonderful, can last a short time. Make an agreement that tonight you are just going to touch and explore your partner(s) body.  Learn to bask in and relish every sensation, every touch, every moment. Take turns to give and receive so you can experience pleasure, without pressure, and let become the aim.

Lastly there is more to sexual and sensual touch than the genitals alone. There’s a whole body to explore. 

What Next?

If you have tried the suggestions above and are still struggling and feel that you need just that little bit more to help you get your sex life back to where you want it to be then let's chat.